Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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