i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
