It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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