So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
