I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
