Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Watching her eat just hurts me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
