I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
