Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
