my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
