did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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