can u get pink eye on your cock?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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