It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
