I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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