That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
