tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
