Screwed.edu
My balls are so social today.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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