Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
