He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
