I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
