I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I didn't notice because vodka
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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