My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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