Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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