He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
