Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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