Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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