Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
