wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
