I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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