we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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