dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
