I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
