I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
