Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
