Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vagina just clenched in fear
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