alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
