Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
