he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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