I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
