vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
