The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
