My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
