She is in my trunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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