He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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