So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
