You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
