just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
