Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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