why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
