Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've blown a few things in my day
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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