Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
