We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
