Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
